Live from Isolation - Day 2

So.

What a week, huh?

Yesterday was ... weird. It just sort of felt like an extended weekend.

Except for the fact that I was cancelling all non-essential appointments over the next two weeks. And bars and restaurants and movie theaters were closing at 8pm. And it was hard to stay away from the news and ever changing situation. And we were all hunkering down to spend the next couple weeks home.

We had a family meeting yesterday to talk about what the next couple weeks might look like. I think David was sort of hoping for video games, all day, every day, indefinitely.

Mike asked his students to think about their normal school schedules and the benefits the day and those classes bring to them. For example, changing classes is movement once an hour. He tasked them with trying to find ways to replicate those benefits while home. We asked David and Kate to do the same - what is the physical, emotional, mental benefit of art? math? And how can we replicate that at home?

I am ridiculously Type A. (But, oddly pretty laid/lazy back about it. It's weird. I know.) So, I tend to like things a specific way. And even more specifically, my way. (It really is the best). But, this is so different than what anyone has experienced. So, I'm trying hard to be fluid.

I'm not sure what today will bring.

I'm working on convincing myself that that's okay.

And, have to keep reminding myself that it's Tuesday.

Cause the world keeps spinning

I dreamt last night that my car was stolen.

I had woken at 6 and refused to get out of bed. It was dark and cold and I was comfortable and warm. And, so, so irritated that I would wake at 6, without an alarm. My body and mind used to the routine of early mornings whether or not I had stayed up until midnight the night before.

So, I closed my eyes and refused to allow my mind to wander toward wakefulness. And, somewhere in those moments, in between, I dreamt of a party. A jumbled mixed of bodies and people coming in and out focus, people I knew and people I didn't. The image switching between loud and quiet as I navigated rooms in a home until I found the front door and stepped out on to a dark street in search of my car.

I knew immediately, as you often do in dreams, that it was stolen. But, still needed to search and found myself wandering in one direction until I realized I was going in the wrong way. So, I turned around and tried the other direction, but felt lost even though the home I had just left had stayed constantly in my view.

I kept looking for someone to help me. But, the street stayed quiet and dark.

It was one of those dreams where you wake up you can still *feel* it. I have no idea what shoes I was wearing, but could feel the pavement of the road under my feet. I have no idea what season it was, but could feel my breath in the cold night air.

It was a weird dream, even for me.

The google and internets, in their vast wealth of infinite knowledge, tell me that dreams of cars being stolen might signify that I feel lost or directionless.

And, honestly, it's sort of a perfect metaphor.

The last few years have been ... weird. I have at times felt lost. And, directionless.

I've been mom for so long, that it's hard to remember beyond that. To the person I was before them.

The kids still need me, of course. But, it's different now. They still need me to drive them here or there. And, neither are comfortable cooking beyond the microwave on their own. But, it's not that all consuming need anymore.

And, so I often feel like I'm in a bit of limbo, ready to move to the next phase and desperately hanging on to the one that we're in.

So, in the early morning of January 1, I dreamt of losing my car. I dreamt of feeling lost. I dreamt of wandering.

And, now that I'm awake, I'm wondering what direction to go.